Roy Chitwood, April 20, 2008

Roy J Chitwood

421921

April 20, 2008

              Spring is here.  The weather has been glorious.  Smelling the fresh cut grass.  There’s a highway out pass the wire and you see the bikes and people hauling the boats to the lake.  Life has picked up again out there after the slowing down of winter.  There’s a freshness in the air, a reviving.

              It’s hard not to think about things outside.  You try hard to keep them in a box inside you but it’s so tempting to lift the lid and take a few memories out just to dwell on them.  Sometimes this isn’t a good thing in here.  At first it brings a few warm feelings and a smile to your face but all of sudden you find yourself trudging around that same fenced yard and although there’s a date in the future when all this will end you can’t seem to get a handle on that.  So what started out as a small respite to this nightmare has bitten you pretty hard.

              It’s these waves of depression that so many struggle with in here.  You shrug it off or it will drive you nuts.  But that’s okay.  I was there on that beach again not so long ago working with my girl, hearing her laugh or when we were standing in front of this waterfall in this canyon I took her to when we first met.  That’s cool huh?  No matter how much prison can take from you it can’t take that.  We as humans can adapt and can go on.  I have that something deep inside me that no prison can touch.  I can go there and be free.

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Bryan Page, April 17 2008

Bryan Page

1061602

April 17, 2008

              It has been a while since I last wrote in my Journal.  I have been through so much and so many things have changed inside me and around me.

              I have been denied release several more times cine I last spoke of it.  I am currently scheduled to be released on May 1st, pending the Parole Boards vote and that means that I will never be denied my sixth time.  It has never failed to dig deep into my heart that my original crime I was sentenced for was a misdemeanor, I could have received a ticket for it.  Instead, the great state of Texas has deemed me to serve over a decade in a maximum security prison.

              I don’t know how to keep hate from filling my heart and soul.  How do I not become some uncaring, vengeful person who can’t look at an authority figure and be overwhelmed with rage?  Can anyone tell me how I can ever have any respect for laws, justice, or government again?

              Anyways – boo hoo poor me – who cares about one guy, one cell, one life right?  I am guilty of theft, Wal-Mart will never be the same and the dope dealer can just eat cake – he will never see my business again.

              On the lighter side of life, the world goes on.  My oldest son, now seventeen, has been taking Brazilian Jujitsu.  I think all those fighting shows like UFC are starting to have an impact on our youth.

              Chris (my oldest) is also in a Christian alternative band.  He’s a drummer.  My youngest son is the lead guitar and he rocks.  I have recently had a lot of concerns with Christianity because when I compared it to the Pre-Christian nature based religion of my ancestors (Asatru – Heathenism – Odinist) I found that it came up palefully short.  I have found a new energy in life to try to quiet the storm inside me and I believe it is possible to take the best aspects of both faiths and find myself there.

              Is monotheism really so important?  Where is the feminine in Christianity?  How unnatural it is to not have a goddess.  Frigga, Freya, Ostara, Idun, the Lady, Sif and Nanna.  It is a balance of life, a completeness.  Don’t get me wrong, I only have good experiences with Christianity.  It is only, a little, off.  I hear a lot of people who move to other faiths because of a bad experience with another human. That is shallow because you’ll have bad experiences with humans as long as you’re on earth.

              My family is devotedly Christian, all my friends are Christians and pastors at that.  When I am finally released in 2012 I will be 43, sitting in a pew at one of my friend’s churches and wondering why there is no goddess there.  Later, at least eight time a year (one for each Celtic/Norse ritual) I will join my Odinist friends in an Odin or Thor blot.  Yule, Imbolc, Equinox’s, Solstice’s, Beltaine, Lughnassa, Samhain, etc.  I will be there.  I will also try to point out things to each side that is in common or different from the other and explain the best I can.

              Enough about that, things here on the Hughes Unit have become hectic and violent.  It is dangerous times here.  I pray that I am allowed to spend at least a couple of my son’s youthful years with them.  Come on May 1st.  My M.I.A. wife has been a true Viking for my sons.  A true hero.  I wish she wanted to be part of my life still.  I would love to go into long conversations with her at visit of in letters.  She is a great person.  Unfortunately I am alone, and my writings are often the ramblings of a lonely, hurting man who wants his life back but has to face the fact that that life no longer exists.  I would love to meet some new pen-pals.  Pen-pals are very hard to find and pen-pals you really connect with are even rarer.  It is a truly beautiful person who reaches out to someone like me.  Hint-hint.  Haha.  O.K.  I feel better.  If anyone is actually reading this, contact me and I’ll tell you a story, he I’m IRISH, that’s what we do.

Peace and Blessings

Until Next Entry

Bryan

Lamarr Little – April 12, 2008

The following is a journal entry reposted from the Prisoner Express google doc archives!  -Bradford

Lamarr Little

01A2318

April 12, 2008

              The prison food is disgusting, Albany must be blinded by the misleading menu that’s posted.  It’s very expensive to live in prison.  This became very clear to me and I’m affected by this.  I spend a lot of money in order to eat healthy.  I discussed this with an associate of mine the other day.  I try not to dwell on things I cannot change.  I feel as if I’m becoming more conscious of what I do and say in front of people.  I found myself being too blunt.  I try to develop good character and be polite but I find this to be difficult in this environment.  The aggressive is respected while the intelligent is frowned upon.  Which is ridiculous!  I stopped eating junk food.  Not all together but not like I use to.  I’ve been on a protein and oatmeal diet, it’s been alright though.  The weather has been nice for the past few days.  I enjoyed the pre-summer heat, which was odd because my thing is the winter.  Majority of the paintings I’ve been working on is near completion.  I’ve even started a couple of new ones.  I have like one blank canvas left.  So I’m going to save it for when I come up with a good concept for a painting

Jason Menchaca 3-28-13 and 4-16-13

3-28-13

Well, I got shook down today.  It could have been worse.  And of all people, I get to shake me down.  It has to be the X-property officer/training officer for new officers.  W.T.F.!!!!!   At least thats what I’m thinking when she breaks my headphone and because I had two cords spliced together after I just laid them out on the table.  It took her thirty minutes to shake down my property.

She went through my stuff with a fine tooth comb.  I thought she was going to take all my appliances (radio, headphones, fan and hot pot), because they have been altered in some fashion.  But, she gave them back to me.  As well as some other stuff, I wasn’t supposed to have.  I was surprised!  In the end, I walked away pretty good considering who she was.  Hurray for me!

4-16-13

For being locked up as long as I have, I tend to dream big.  Sometimes, I think I dream about too much I can’t have.  Mainly my freedom.  But, being locked up forces me to live in my dreams because the realities of prison life can be too much at times.  I feel if I cease to dream then I’ll cease to be who I am.

Scottie Brown, 06-18-13

Well, that’s it!  I am officially 40.  40!  Wait a minute!  Is my math off by a decade or so?  I don’t feel 40.  I don’t look 40.  Hmm!  I got it.  From now I am 39 and holding.  Sounds better.

Another one year set-off from parole.  Gee kind of expected that one didn’t we?  Texas doesn’t let people go.  What part of doesn’t didn’t I understand.  That is what I get for hoping.  Don’t hope just wait dejectedly for a no.  Prison life in Texas.

Well that is about all for now.  Gonna go see if the Heat can beat the Spurs 2 in a row in San Antonio.

Jason Menchaca 3-22-13, 3-25-13

3-22-13

Here it is Friday, and I thought by now I’d get my passover kit by now.  The pass over starts for me on the twenty fifth.  It’s crazy how our unit chaplin is supposed to encourage religion to the inmates.  But, every one that I’ve come across are racist towards other religions but their own.  What gives with that?  How can we really rehabilitate ourselves if we are short stopped at every corner by a prison system that is supposed to help rehabilitate us?

3-25-13

At sunset today starts the passover.  I’ve only started to practice my faith with little understanding of what actually to do.  But, as I try to understand the theology of it, I’m trying to come closer to who I am.  I know for myself that I need something positive in my life to keep me from falling victim to endless hours of silence and supposed love from those I call friends and family.  I can’t lie and say their silence doesn’t hurt.  It does!  But, I can’t let that dictate my life.  I have to move on.  So if I can find comfort in my faith, so be it.

It’s crazy, how life works.  As I was writing these fie lines, the volunteer that comes to the unit for the services we have on SHABBAT just came to the door and delivered the passover kit I ordered.  It consists of two small bottles of grape juices and one box of Matzah.  And here I thought that I wouldn’t have any help in celebrating the passover.  It makes me really think?

Jason Menchaca- 3-13/18-13

3-13-13

Man, what the FK!  These people still don’t have no toothpaste.  Or better said, they ran out.  They only had seventy-five tubes for a building of four hundred and thirty two inmates.  Thats nonsense.  I only have a little bit left and i don’t have the ten dollars to buy one off the street.  That’s how much they’re going for on the black market.  That’s a come up for real.  This unit needs toothpaste bad!

3-18-13

Being locked up as long as I have, I got this mentality that its us against them, inmates against prison officers.  So when I hear an officer got jump on, I don’t even question it.  Today, it happened on two different buildings.  As of now they locked down the unit.  I’, pretty sure that we will be on lock down for the major lock down.  Either way I’m glad to get it over with.