July 10, 2012
I am in kind of a funk today. The weather is terrible and this seems to transcend to my soul. The throes of doing time seem to multiply this tenfold.
We work here for free, well in a sense anyways, since we don’t have to pay bills like rent, utilities, and food. But they still work us like slaves. They tell us they are giving us good time and work time, but that is a lie, for the State of Texas can take this from us for no reason at all, and they usually do.
People in this environment could never begin to imagine the inhumanity that transpires within the confines of a penal institution. There is so much wrong with the system. Animals receive better treatment than we do.
Now there are those who should be here, kept away from society, as they are a menace. And the fact is that those will never change. But there are also people who want to and have changed and once released would never look back. Keeping them here is a waste of resources and life. Reform is needed, but how long before legislation is enacted to bring forth this reform?
When I look back at my life I can see that life happens in series, so to speak. There are the good, the troubled, and the bad parts, but they always seem to cycle about. In my years I have been through this a couple times.
I have noticed that in the troubled times, when I am digging myself out of the ruts I often find myself in, I am almost out only to find that someone has kicked me back in. To find a stumbling block which causes me to fall back in. Yet I have never given up.
I make mistakes, I learn from them, never making the same mistake again. I am getting better each day, why? Because I am tired of this humdrum existence. I am striving for better, to succeed. Failure is not an option for now, at this stage in my life, failure’s ramifications are too severe for me to even contemplate.
I am patient and persistent. I seek solace, freedom, and above all, peace. If I die here, I will die free. Why do I say this? Because although the state possesses my body, they have no control of my mind. Through the positive steps that I have taken for change I have freed my soul. This in itself gives life meaning for me. Within lies my hope. I am getting better every day, change is constant and worth all that effort and sacrifice.